Doors Left Unopened
by Mickeycatorange
Summary: Lock your doors and turn off the lights because there's no one left to love you. God can't hear you, so you better hope the devil can.
1. Escape

Today is the day I get to breathe again. I can finally let go of the burden that has bled my heart dry. I know longer have to look Mandy in the eye and tell her Mom's not coming home.

Mandy. The thought of her makes me want to hurl. I've lied and cheated my way through life to make her some what comfortable. People have beat me, cursed me, and taken every shred of my humanity, but that's better then them doing it to my Mandy.

My sweet, sweet Mandy, tonight I do to you what our mother did so long ago. I'm leaving you. You're big now. You don't need me. Mandy I tried my damnedest, but it never worked out. It all had to burn and burn it did. I'm sorry for leaving you with nothing but my ashes.

If only I had said what you had needed then. I quickly unlatched the lock and threw open the door, letting the cruelty of the world in and Mandy's innocence out.

Putting all thoughts aside I scanned the area and then bolted for the trees, making sure to toss a treat at the neighbor's dog. And I ran, ran all my troubles away like the coward I was meant to be. Now it's just me against the world.

A scared, beaten, and abused boy whose daddy never loved him enough. It's just scared little Cas, lost in his maze of a mind, looking for a hand to hold.

* * *

"Did you hear me boy?" The man slurred.

"I'm leaving you drunk and there is not a thing you can do about it." My words were dripping with white-hot rage as I stood there seething "So do the world a favor and go to hell."

With a slam of a door to signify the end of our fight, I trotted towards the car and revved up the engine. It's funny how all things start with doors. Each person is their own little door, protecting mysteries from prying eyes.

Once you meet them they open their doors just enough for a quick peek, then it's closed again. Sooner or later when you've been allowed inside you can see all their secrets bundled up with care. You shift around the forgotten memories each one darker than the last.

You've come to the end what their doors hold and all that's left untouched is the door at the end. You have been given to choices, stay or go. I choose neither. I choose to destroy. I choose to break their memories and to hide their sins to spare the next person who passes through.

I take the loneliness and pain all for myself. I take the sins and run. They're mine now. I want the burden, I want something to fix. I have something to control. And that's my life. I, Sam Winchester, will no longer take your shit. So think about that long and hard. Lock your doors and don't come out.

* * *

The reality of what I had done hit me at full force when I got off the bus later that night. I stumbled through the streets like a drunk until I found an empty park, and then proceeded to throw up the contents of my stomach. Shaking I brought a hand up to wipe the sweat off of my clammy forehead.

"Hey, you alright kid?" startled I spun around to face a young man around my age looking at me with concern. I just stared at the stranger warily until he spoke up again.

"Did ya hear me? You okay?"

I stumbled around for the right words that felt heavy and awkward on my tounge. "W-what do you want from me?" The stranger looked at me seeming slightly offended but then quickly brushing it off as if he didn't care.

"Woah, calm done. Just asking."

Still trying to understand the man's kindness towards me I hurriedly said "Sorry I'm just a bit shocked is all. I didn't mean any offense." I suddenly found a crack in the ground very interesting as I tried to hide the blush creeping up my cheeks.

"It's alright. I understand I spooked you." He said giving me an encouraging smile "Well my name's Dean by the way. And have you seen my brother anywhere by chance?" Dean never was one to beat around the bush.

* * *

I woke up to the sound of Carl rummaging around in the kitchen at the ungodly hour of 5:30. Probably looking for the vodka. Good thing I hid it.

That man could get drunk just by staring at a bottle of rum, so for Sammy's sake I hid it. Uhhh! Does that man ever stop drinking? Stupid question. I've lived with him for so long now to know he doesn't have a limit. Then I heard it. The loud thump of Carl's boots clambering their way up the stairs.

Shit.

I leaped out of my bed and made a run to the door trying to undo the latch. All I could think of was keeping Sam out of harms way. We kept the locks on our doors to keep Carl out. Or in.

But I saw how tired Sam was, he didn't lock his door. Finally after fumbling with the latch for what seemed like ages, though was probably only a few seconds, the door flew open and I sprinted past Carl to the safety of Sam's room.

But Sam, he wasn't there.

I threw myself forward into his room searching frantically every inch of it. I turned to his closet, the last place I hadn't looked. Practically tearing the doors off their hinges I rushed inside his rather large closet. Sammy's duffel bag was missing along with the majority of his belongings.

We didn't keep our valuables out in the open in fear of Carl taking them for his amusement.

I learned that the hard way.

* * *

"Uncle Carl?" a shy young Dean Winchester asked "Don't call me that!" he growled. Dean's eyes went wide and he nodded furiously. Not another word was said on Dean's part for fear of being rejected, so the pair stood in silence.

Carl was zoning in and out of consciousness barely registering the slight tug on his pant leg. "What?" he bellowed. "I-I was wondering if you had seen my dinosaur? Ya know, the stuffed one?" Dean inquired.

"Oh that stupid thing? I burned it along with everything that was in MY den!" Carl barked out and then smiled crookedly at his nephew who was on the verge of tears. "Don't give me that! It's your own damn fault for not picking it up!"

Dean didn't sleep a wink that night. He thought about his dinosaur. Dean didn't care about the stupid lizard he wanted what was on it. That night as he listened to Carl's drunken ramblings he knew that one day he was going to kill that man.

* * *

That's it he's finally gone of the deep end and has committed murder. He's taken Sam's life and now I'm gonna take his.

**HIII! Please review and I may put up another chapter soon! Thanks! Ta ta!**


	2. Fate is Cruel

**AN: Hi! Sorry this took so long! Life just decided to throw me a curveball. And with school finally ending I just needed a break. Whatever. So do me a huge favor and review the story! I've had 79 of you read this story but only 1 review and it keeps me wondering. Flames are welcome as long as they're horrible and well written. Though I would prefer constructive criticism. And finally a huge thank you to erf10722 for giving and motivating me to write this story! So check out some of her stories! And now might be a good time to start mine. Well, here we gooooo!**

Dean's POV

* * *

I turned white as a sheet and my knees buckled, landing me in a pile of dirty clothes. Sam. My eyes searched the room again but there was no sign of him being here recently. It's as if he just vanished. I must have been out of it because the next thing I knew Carl was in my face practically spitting.

"What do think you're doing knocking me down like that? I almost fell on my face!" He growled. I could practically taste the alcohol on his lips. "What have you done to Sammy?" I demanded. Carl continued to scowl until realization dawned on his harsh features. "Oh that little punk? I kicked him out days ago! You were just too busy to notice little Sammy had left." He barked out with laughter pulling a face of mock sympathy. My cheeks turned red with embarrassment and my heart weighed heavy with shame. This only spurred Carl on in his laughter and shrewd comments.

"Good job Dean" he said "You got rid of the only thing that ever loved you!" It's funny how easy it is to knock out drunken people but Carl wasn't, he wasn't drunk, but he was down in one hit.

Sam's POV

* * *

It was hard keeping hold of the wheel seeing as I hadn't slept in the past 24 hours. Also I only recently just got my license. I did not think this through at all. I mean where am I gonna go? I've lived in the same damn place my entire life and hated it! I barely even have any money on me! What, am I just gonna live in a car the rest of my life?

Stopping the car at this local diner was probably the best idea I've had this entire time. On this long road to disaster. Sinking my teeth into a delicious cheeseburger I thought about how Dean would have loved this joint. I wonder if Dean's noticed I've disappeared. If he has, how is he handling it? I really hope he didn't kill Carl. That's all he needs on his rep; murder. He became big enough to fight Carl by the time he was fourteen. Why he didn't? I guess I'll never know why.

My thoughts were interrupted by the ringing of the bell attached to the restaurants door. I looked up and I was faced with the figure of a scruffy boy. He looked to be nineteen and as if he hadn't eaten in a few days. His black hair was in total disarray and his blue sweatshirt, that matched his eyes, was dirty and clung to his skinny frame. We locked eyes and stared for a few awkward moments until he began walking towards me. His shoes were worn and scuffed like he'd been running for a long time. "Excuse me. Are you by any chance Sam Winchester?" I bolted.

_Cas's POV

* * *

The second I saw him, I just knew. This man has seen so much, almost as much as I have. I don't know whether to be comforted or terrified. I could just see it in his eyes, deep and caring but with a protective shell. He was unwilling to trust anyone. He was suspicious of me, and the world. Still, he was kind enough to check on me. This man and I, we will be friends. I don't know how or why, but I'm positive, I'm sure.

Slowly shaking my head I answered "No, I'm sorry I haven't seen your brother. I..I uh just got back in town recently and uh..yeah." I managed to stammer. He smiled at me all teeth shimmering and white. He looked back at the road and then back to me "He's about 6'4, annoying long brown hair, really smart, loves salad ya can't miss 'im. And if you see him call my number." He smiles his brilliant smile again while handing me a card with his number on it. The card read.

Singer Auto Salvage Yard

Sioux Falls, South Dakota

7:00 am – 8:00 pm

605- 938- 7389

Pocketing the card I turned to face him once again " Is this where you work?" Dean smiles "Yeah I work there with my uncle. I haven't been in to see him in a while, he's probably worried. I really could use some help so call please." He turns around to leave when I say "My names Castiel by the way." I can hear the smile in his voice "Cas. I like it." I walked as he entered the car and started the engine, but I should have known it would happen.

Dean had so much. I could tell. It's a busy intersection and 9 pm on a Saturday. I should have seen the car and the group of drunk college kids. I shouldn't have run away the second I saw the truck ram into the slick black Chevy Impala.

I should have saved Dean Winchester. Now I owe him. Now I have a burden to to carry. I have to find Sam and tell him. I'm sorry Dean. I knew it would happen, but I didn't do anything. I didn't protect him and I didn't protect Mandy.

* * *

**Thank you Regina for being so patient with me and if that's someones phone number...sorry. I'll be sure to prank call! Oh and has someone seen Maleficent yet 'cause ahhhhhh! It was soooo good! Off topic! I'll stop rambling 'cause my sister wants her computer! Ta ta!**


	3. Giving Hope

Cas POV

* * *

I stopped in front of a red 1960's styled diner with a blaring neon sign telling me the sold burgers and shakes. No, no, I wasn't here for food though I am quite hungry. _You're always hungry moron. True._ I'm so busy standing there arguing with myself with whether or not I do want food that I barely notice the tall mop of brown hair that flies into the diner with even grace.

That simple flash of a person sends my mind reeling and I'm stuck with the thought if that's the man I've been hunting for the past few days.

_Do I do it? Do I go and see if that's Sam? What if it's not?! What if it is? Then what? Walk in and say "Hey! Your brother may or may not be dead or in a coma and it's all my fault! Haha! Let's be friends!" Yeah no. _My internal debate comes to a standstill when I think of what Mandy would do. _NO! Now is not the time!_ I can't afford an emotional breakdown right here in a parking lot, nope I've got to help out Dean first and find Sam.

''Sam my number one priority" I think as I stride towards the diners door. Walking in, I make an immediate left and I see the mop of brown hair I've been searching for. He looks exactly like Dean. Not appearance wise no, it's in his eyes. He has that same look of caring but that rough outer shell is prominent. Sam I've finally found you, now what do I say.

Sam POV

* * *

I don't know why I ran for it I just felt that whatever this stranger had to say I wasn't gonna like it. I could tell he didn't like it either. I hear my name and I know that this bad news is for me and I can't handle it because I know who it's about.

Who else could it be, I only truly cared for one person. So I was up and out in the blink of an eye with strange boy on my heels. _Damn he's light on his feet!_ I could tell this was going to be a problem for me later on.

I made it all the way to my car when I hear the loud clang of metal hitting pavement and I instantly know they're my keys. Just my luck. I spin on my heel to see the lanky boy has picked up my keys and is holding them out for me. I cautiously take them from his hand still suspicious of what he has to say. But he doesn't say anything, he seems at just as confused as I am.

The boy looks up at me and smiles awkwardly "So I take it you are Sam Winchester?" I nod slightly. "I'm sorry I don't really know how to say this… but uh Dean was hit by a drunk driver two days ago and is in the hospital." The boy stammered out. And there it is, the terrible news. I feel my knees getting weak as I force the words out of my throat but that come out barely above a whisper, "Is he gone?"

Cas POV

* * *

And there it is the question I don't have the answer to.

I didn't even see him after they hit, I got out and ran. I hid for hours in a local park curled up underneath a tree my back against the biting wind. I cried though I'll never admit it to anyone, I cried for Mandy and Dean and for mom and I selfishly cried for myself, underneath that oak tree. Underneath that oak tree is where I made my decision, my decision to find Sam and make things better.

"They didn't let me see him, I don't even know what hospital he's at." I half lied. Its true I didn't get to see him and I don't know what hospital he's at but the thing is I didn't even try to see if he was okay. Does that make me a terrible person, a coward?

"How do you know he was hit though?" Sam inquires. I shift nervously "I.. uh saw it happen." Sam's sharp intake of breath forces me to look up and say "But I know where he might be!" I see a spark of hope ignite in his eyes when he exclaims "You do?" My eyes get big and I smile, "Yes! I think he's at Saint Agatha's!" He smiles too and before I know it he's scooped me up and into a bear hug.

"Thank you, thank you!" he exclaims before promptly setting me back on the ground.

"I'm gonna go now do you need a ride or uh.." he trailed off.

I smiled widely at him and said,"If you don't mind id like to see if Dean's alright." He grinned widely and proceeded to unlock the car and hop into the driver's seat while I awkwardly struggled to open the door and get in. The doors were huge and difficult for my scrawny arms but I managed. Once the engine started and we pulled out of the diner Sam looked at me from a side glance, frowned and then asked,"I don't believe you ever gave me a name."

"It's Castiel, angel of Thursday."

* * *

**HI! I'm so so so sorry! It's been so long! I'm a terrible person! AHHHHH! Now that schools started I'm hoping to get into a rhythm with my writing, but so far its been one heck of a ride. Plus I've started taking violin and practicing has been a butt.*sigh* I'm going to try and start updating every week but I won't make any promises I can't keep. So a shout out to my good friend erf10722 who was my inspiration and for reviewing! Speaking of which please do that! Review i know it's starting out slow but i promise the pace is gonna start picking up in the next few chapters! And guess who's finally got a tumblr! ME! But if you wanna follow even though i don't post anything original yet because im too scared you can find me at mickeycatorange .And please tell me if you're coming from my fanfics cuz it would just make my day! Ta ta!**


	4. Missing You

Cas POV

The drive was slow and torturous as I give Sam questionable directions. But hey, I got us there and we only got lost once, maybe twice. We pulled up into the hospitals relatively small parking lot, and with a deep breath swung open the car doors.

Warily we walked to the automatic doors and were hit with the overbearing smell of antiseptic. St Agatha's was like any old hospital white walls staff milling around and a really bored looking receptionist, yet something just felt off. Maybe it was just something missing in me.

Sam was the first to move and I was quick to follow as we approached the receptionist, she quickly put on a mask of false cheer.

_We're in a hospital not at an amusement park. Yeesh._

"Hi, my name is Sam Winchester and I was wondering if you happen to have my brother, Dean Winchester?" Sam queried.

"Of course sweetie hold on just let me check the log." After three taps on a mouse and one grunt later the young receptionist smiles back at us an apologetic look in her eyes "I'm sorry there's no one here by that name." The tension in the air could have been cut with a knife. I chanced a peek at Sam, only to find a strange calmness surrounded him, while I on the other hand was about to explode.

Not cool.

"That's alright ma'am we'll check elsewhere." Sam said still eerily calm.

"I hope you find him quickly."_Godspeed. _

And with that Sam took my arm in a vice like grip and steered us out the door, and dragged me past the car. _Oh crap past the car, past the car! _ He kept pulling me towards the side of the building and panic really started to set in.

I began thrashing against him but he only gripped me tighter and slapped a hand over my mouth. Swiftly he slammed me up against the wall and I swear I saw red. "Shhh Cas. Cas! Calm down!" he begged me but I couldn't hear him.A few more pleas were shouted upon deaf ears before I felt a rough hand connect with my cheek and the pressure was released from my shoulders. My knees buckled underneath me and I slid down the wall, placing a tender hand to my cheek.

"Sorry I hit you, you just went a little crazy when I brought you over here. Started shouting some weird things. Probably should have said something before I dragged ya here. Don't worry I'm not gonna kidnap you. Promise."

I looked back up at him my eyes big and my lower lip trembled slightly. _What a pathetic sight. I'm surprised he hasn't left you alone yet. SHUT UP!_ "Uh, no it's fine I shouldn't have responded like that." I managed to spit out. He let out a relieved breath and smiled at me.

"Well you're probably wondering why I brought you here, but uh tell me something, I couldn't have been the only one to feel something off about that place. Like it wasn't real." I nodded vigorously at him and said "Yeah and the lady was WAY too over excited to be working at a hospital or my liking."

He beamed at me and all I could think was, _wow the Winchesters both have smiles that could grow gardens. Or maybe even a flippin rainforest._

"Excuse me boys" A sudden voice had Sam on his feet in seconds placing himself between me and the stranger. "Sorry to startle you, but uh I managed to overhear you talking to Eva, and she forgot to mention a young man was brought in last night. He was transferred over from St. Luke's and has yet to be identified. So if you'd like to come with me maybe you could tell me if it's your brother."

The stranger, who we assumed was a doctor, spun on his heel and trotted off towards the entrance. "Well, I guess he's pretty confident we'll follow so…" Sam trailed off. "But he feels off to doesn't he." I finished for him. "Yeah he is, but I still need to find my brother." He looked down at me held out his hand and asked me a startling question, "Come with me?"

Sam POV

Castiel's reaction to my question was, to say the least, upsetting.

I could see the boy visibly recoil into some sort of shell he created, as if he didn't quite trust me, his eyes become dark a shade so deep his pupils completely disappeared. He seemed to be at war within himself.

Take a leap off the edge and trust me or turn down a potential ally, an acquaintance, a friend. A small fire lite up in his eyes driving away the darkness and a smile played at his lips. Without a word he latched onto my arm and yanked himself up. Castiel ambled forward and though he never told me what happened I could tell this was a first for Cas. Putting his trust in me meant more than I could ever imagine.

I just had to do well not destroy it. Even if it killed me.

I scoffed and jumped down from the curb.

You're becoming such a sap Sam. I raced to reach Cas and the stranger at the doors and he hurriedly showed us the way. "Now this young man is in room 3751 I can't tell you the state of his condition considering we don't know whether or not it's your brother, just know it is not good." The stranger explained "I'm going to go get you some paperwork to fill out before you meet him so please take a seat and I'll be with you in a minute."

He turned to leave but Cas quickly grabbed his attention again, "Wait! I just wanted to say thank you. And uh please if I could have your name." The stranger smiled and said, "Please it's my job. I live to help people. And if you need anything just call for Dr. Al." And he was gone. Cas turned to me and we shared a worried glance. Now that we were finally in the hospital we could both sense something really wasn't right.

**IM SO SORRY! AHHH! Sorry if this was crappy I was pretty down and listening to sad music probably didn't help much. It is quite difficult to write when there's a 15 POUND CAT LYING ON YOUR STOMACH! Seriously. Anywho I'm gonna go back and correct the rest of my chapters sooooo ta ta!**


	5. The Baying of the Hounds

Sam POV

* * *

We waited for a long time. Longer than we should have. Each tick of the clock brought me one second closer to breaking down that door and strangling Dr. Al. Abruptly a stout, blonde nurse came bustling in and ushered us out.

"Hold on, hold on. Where's ?" I demanded.

The nurse rolled her eyes and let out an exasperated sigh wheeze, "He'll be with you shortly. Right now you need to fill out these papers Mr. Winchester and Mr. Novak." And with that she slammed down the papers and toddled out.

"Why did they need to bring us to another room just to register these papers?" I mused

"And more importantly how did they know my name. I never gave it." Cas uttered. I turned to him wide eyed and gasped out "Wha.? You didn't did you. I don't _ever _remember you telling me your last name, so how do they know?"

"Your guess is as good as mine." He said still seemingly in shock. We came to a silent agreement, that the only way to figure out who, what, and why, was to fill this out and see Dean. We both just knew it was him.

Many agonizingly long minutes later, filled with hard work and cramped hands, we bot h finished in record time. I glanced over at Castiel and held his gaze. The question swirling in our heads; who wanted to risk getting lost in those creepy halls to find a staff member?

Cas POV

* * *

I reeeaaalllly didn't want to go, but I owed Sam and Dean, so it was my obligation. "I'll try to go and find a nurse or someone. Why don't you wait here with the papers just in case they get here before I get back." It wasn't a question. Sam was going to wait here in the safety of the waiting room while I roamed the halls of a decidedly terrifying hospital. Asylum. Nut house. Because really? This place made me feel like I should go check myself into one now.

Sam must have heard the underlining tone in my voice because he didn't even try to argue. Instead he gave me, what should have been a reassuring smile, but just really ended up being blatantly forced. "I should be just fine Sam don't worry." I smiled but I couldn't look him in the eye.

Before he could say anything else I high tailed it out of there, because I know if he had said anything, I wouldn't have the courage to leave. So I was up and out, down the cold steel hallway, my shadow being only companion. Well, that I could see.

The feeling of being watched began to intensify as I walked down the first hall, then the second and third, until I was too petrified to even glance behind. Fearing what invisible force was following me I made a sharp turn and began to open the first door I saw.

I practically flew into the room, when I quickly threw myself back, realizing I had just gone inside of the room leading to the emergency stairs in case there was a fire. I hesitated at the landing deciding whether or not I should turn around and face whatever monstrosity was behind me, or see where the stairs lead me.

A low growl sounded behind me. Stairs it was. I bolted down the stairs my feet barely touching the ground as I raced to get away from whatever was pursuing me.

I reached what must have been my fifth flight of stairs when I crashed into a door and fell forward landing on my face. I could still hear the beast chasing after me crashing about, though still far behind. As I stumbled into a standing position I assessed my surroundings.

I was in what appeared to be a musty storage room filled with all sorts of antiseptics, and spare rubber gloves. I took the first step forward into the room and began swiftly walking around each bend, getting colder and colder as I trekked deeper into storage room.

Circling the corner I saw, about twenty feet away, was an elevator. My excitement was short lived as I heard the door smack open and the beast entered. I shot forward trying to beat my completion, as boxes started flying and glass was smashed behind me.

I began to pound desperately on the button willing the doors to open, when I heard a loud ping signifying the elevator was here. Thank god! I began to mash buttons as the doors refused to shut. Panic was coursing through my veins, pumping blood to my head making it hard to think coherently.

The doors made an awful screeching sound and began inching closed as a blood curdling roar erupted and I couldn't get enough air. It began coming closer and closer shaking the earth and making my ears throb. Tears were spilling out of my eyes as the thing came into view, when without warning the doors slammed shut and we shot upwards.

Relief washed over me, tears still pooling out of my eyes. The adrenaline wearing off I slid down he wall and began sobbing.

Sam POV

* * *

Five,then ten minutes passed and still no Castiel. The worry really began to set in when I heard a deep rumbling that shook the walls. _What could possibly be happening? Is he hurt? _My thoughts were interrupted by the same pudgy nurse, who saw to us earlier, came striding in with Dr. Al at her heels.

He frowns at me and asks "Where's the other man you were with?"

"He went to go find someone who could help us." I said now extremely worried because they hadn't come with Cas. "Oh, well. He must have gotten lost, I'll have someone go look for him immediately." I nodded trying to swallow the lump in my throat.

"Anyway I figure you both finished your papers, I'll go check them in, and hopefully by then your friend will have been returned." He smirked and left me alone once again. The way he always said things then smirked as if he just knew, got to me and I was terrified for Cas. Now back to waiting, again. This time I didn't have to wait too long, the nurse came back after about two minutes. I couldn't see anyone behind her so I began to wonder if they were able to locate Castiel at all. My suspicions were correct. They had, in fact not. Dr. Al came striding down the hall, all alone, and said, "I can take it from here Tammi."

The nurse gladly waddled away and I swear I heard her say "Finally! I can get a new skin!" I really hope I just misheard. The doctor brought me out of my haze by saying, "Here we are! Ah! And here comes the young gentleman we lost not too long ago."

Behind me Castiel is slowly approaching me, his whole frame visibly shaking, and clothes disheveled. He was paler than usual and seemed as if he had gotten sick a few times. Once he reached us I grasped his elbow holding him steady. I leaned in, putting my mouth to his ear, "Are you sure you wanna do this?"

He turned to me, that fire in his eyes sparking again, "I'm here 'til the end of this."

* * *

**I just wrote three pages so be grateful! And gasp! Two updates in one week!? I know right. I have written at least 7,000 words this week and its exhausting, but hey Im keeping busy! Any who I usually always listen to music when I write so if things seem different in chapters that's cuz the music. I'm trying to keep it all he say thing but the music really inspires me. **

**Should I make a list? I don't know. Eh. Its midnight don't mind my ramblings. Ta ta! **


	6. Through the Ghost

Cas POV

* * *

I was still pretty shaken up after my encounter with whatever the hell that thing was. I had found myself in yet another long abandoned hall, still too petrified to move when the stocky nurse appeared at the end of the corridor, wearing a mask of contempt. She snorted at me in disgust and hauled me up to my feet.

We go past a few rooms and she stops me at an end of a hall, "Take left at the bathrooms," She began "and then go forward about seven doors, and you should see Dr. Al." She turned and made her leave to go Lord knows where, and stranding me with a freaking beast on the loose. I should never have gotten out of bed this morning.

Surprisingly I made it to Sam without any further incidents, and if the shocked expression on Sam's face was anything to go by, I still must look like crap.

I hear the doctor say something but I couldn't shake the intense feeling of unease, and that he was scheming. Sam takes me by the arm and pulls me in close, "Are you sure you wanna do this?" he questions.

Do I _want _to do this? No I do not; but do I have to? Yes. I turn to Sam giving him my best fake smile and say "I'm here 'til the end of this."

When the doctor swung open the door and the sight of Dean was displayed for the whole hospital, I was shocked, to say the least. His limp form was tucked neatly into sterile white sheets, his arms and face littered with copious amounts of bruises, and so many tubes, were connected to Dean. So many tubes.

Though I had only seen the face of Dean once, and a mask was covering most of his face, I could still tell it was him. Call it instinct, or desperation, I don't really care.

Sam POV

* * *

I've been desperate to see Dean for days now I just never imagined we'd meet like this. There're awful bruises and tubes everywhere, I could barely even say it was my brother.

"It's him." My voice barely coming above a whisper. I felt Castiel put a comforting hand on my shoulder, but it proved to only slightly bring me out of my haze.

_How could this happen to him of all people? He was always a good kind brother! First Mom and Dad, then years of Carl and now this! He didn't deserve this! _

I felt anger and denial begin to mix with sadness, and I was grateful for Castiel. I couldn't have done this on my own.

"What's wrong with him?" I questioned, uncertainty lacing the tones of my voice.

A grievous sigh escaped the chapped lips of Dr. Al, "As of now he is in a medically induced coma, with severe internal bleeding, three fractured ribs, and most likely brain damage. When or if he wakes up, he may not be the same person you once knew."

I shivered slightly whether it was from the seemingly icy room or the new revelation, I do not know. A little bit both, maybe. "You said medically induced coma, but you also said _if _he wakes up?" Cas interrogated.

"Well yes. He woke up on the ride to the hospital but has not since. We're not sure if he can wake up on his own. First we're going to wait for all of his major injuries, that could possible make his body lash out from extreme pain, to heal." The doctor explained. "We expect him to be healed enough within the week."

"May we come back tomorrow?" I asked.

The doctor smiled at me, though it seemed more like a sneer he answered seemingly genuine, "Of course! I will be calling you gentleman as soon as something happens! But for now visiting hours are over, would you like me to escort you to the entrance, as it can be quite easy to lose your way?"

Castiel seemed all too eager to talk him up on his offer as he nodded vigorously and followed in pursuit of the doctor. _Probably because of whatever happened earlier. Speaking of which, I still have to ask him about that. _

Chasing after Cas and the doctor, we soon made it back to the reception area, where we both felt a heavy weight lifted from our shoulders, as we saw the sunlight streaming in, and civilization whirling around us again. It felt amazing to see somewhat normal people and not the creepy nurse lady. What was it, Sammi? Tammi? I don't know.

I give my thanks one more time before I basically drag Castiel out of the hospital by his ear. "Let's go somewhere, maybe a coffee shop? How's that sound?" I didn't even give him a chance to respond because let's be honest, he didn't have a choice.

Cas POV

* * *

We reach a cozy little locally owned coffee shop that also just happens to be a bookstore. We take our steaming hot drinks, and bring them to the farthest, dustiest, most deserted, corner of the bookstore, or anywhere really.

I sink into a faded green chair, that groans even under my light weight, and Sam takes a large, leather, recliner right across from me, a small oak table settled nicely in between us. Every inch of the two story building was covered from top to bottom in books. Books on shelves ordered neatly by author, books stacked precariously on chairs, tables, ledges and even on the staircase.

The best way to describe it was an organized mess.

Sam turns his hazel eyes to me, looking me over like a mother hen would do to her chicks, "Are you alright? You looked pretty shaken up after going to look for someone. Will you tell me what you saw?"

This was the question I had been dreading. I would sound crazy when I tell him? Heck I don't even know what I saw! I don't want to lose the first friend I had made in years. What if he leaves me to? Or what if he throws me in the looney bin, thinking I'm some nut! Well I'm not!

_Well what if you were Cassy? That would explain a lot of things wouldn't it? Why everyone hurt you, right? SHUT UP! _

I was so busy with my internal debating that I barely heard what Sam said next, "Castiel, you could tell me that you saw a purple dragon wearing an apron trying to feed you fruit cake, and I would still believe you. Heck I'd run from anyone trying to force feed me fruit cake and the fact that it was also a dragon!" Sam shivers slightly making a disgusted face. "But you know why I'd also believe you? 'Cause you're my friend." '

I beamed up at him my smile splitting my face. Sam's little speech lets me muster up what courage I have left and I begin to relay the days' events.

Sam POV

* * *

As Castiel was explaining to me what happen I couldn't help but feel slightly guilty for how terrified he must have been, and on top of that, making him face it alone. When he finishes, he's fighting to keep his face from going scarlet, but that's hardly working now is it?

His eyes are firmly glued to the floor so I take him by the chin and stare into his cerulean eyes, "I believe you. You don't seem the type who'd lie, or even be very good at it."

He grins and it crinkles his eyes making him look years younger and with far less troubles. "Thank you so much. I know we've been through a lot today but if you don't mind I'd like to read one of these books and take my mind off of it."

I laughed at how eager he sounded._ Like a child in a candy store._ "Of course! Since it's so late should we reserve a room in a motel considering I can't exactly drive past nine, and I already have to get one? We can split the bill!" I ask excitement in my voice. I've never had a proper sleepover before!

Except I'll be in a motel with virtually a stranger, my brother in the hospital, and I'm popcornless. Bummer.

I can see his body stiffen at my comment then quickly relax and he gives me and enthusiastic nod before running off. It's as if he's scared of me? Have I been pushy or is he still frightened over the whole 'kiddnapping' thing.

I hope it's not either. Just me being paranoid. Still I can't shake the feeling…

* * *

**HEEEELLLOOO! Does anybody actually read these? Hmmmm? Well a relatively slow chapter and not much happened but eh. The name of the title is a song by Shinedown(i really like them.) The Baying of the Hounds by Opeth (Heavy Metal man) and Missing by Flyleaf I just added the You. And I used one of my new favorite words! So try and guess what it is and then I can see if people read these or not. As always please review and if you see any mistakes do tell me! Ta Ta!**


	7. New Horizons

Hi -.-

Cas POV

* * *

This little shop, was about as close to heaven on earth, for me. Books, books, books, and the sweet scent of freshly brewed coffee. I used to go to libraries allllll the time. It felt like home. In between the yellowing pages filled with ink and coffee stains, that's where I lived.

Matter of fact, a lot of people live there, sometimes they don't even know it. I feel a connection to this stranger, I may have never met them, but we both have something in common; we both shared that journey. All the pain and hardships, we shared together. I've traveled from home to home, but one things stay the same; the strangers and the pages. They all have a story to tell.

When I still had Mandy we used to sneak into libraries and stay the night. Hours and hours were spent fighting these quests, 'til the soft light poured in through, waking up the dawn. God I miss her.

_She doesn't miss you though. THAT'S ENOUGH NOW! Hahah! She's probably dead because of you! SHUT UP GET OUT! Weren't you supposed to protect her?! Your times up now! WHO CALLED YOU OUT!_

I was shaking now, I could tell. People were staring and judging I feel it! "Sir are you alright?" A young woman asks me.

_NO!_

"Yes. Just a tad bit tired." I answer shakily.

"Alright, just know that you're dad came home last night and it didn't end well for Mandy." The blonde smiled.

"What?!"

"I said do you need me to call someone for you? You're looking awfully pale"

I smiled once again," No I'm here with a friend." Can I even call him that? I haven't even known him that long. The girl had left me but I still stood there, trembling, wondering. How did I hear those words. Maybe I really am tired.

I wandered around a little bit longer not yet ready to face Sam and his offer. I was still not sure if I could trust him. I have never stayed at a motel before despite all the times I needed a place. I guess I liked the feeling of freedom, not having a place to call home.

But everyone needs a place to go to when they're tired, sad or lonely. Mandy. That was your home and you threw that away. _Everything you had ever needed was_ _right in front of you , yet you ran away from it. Pathetic. NO! I didn't leave for me I left for her! With me around I'm just a constant reminder of what happened, of what I didn't do. _

_Yes but with you gone, the absence will remind her of what you did do. Did that ever cross your mind._

I began to push the voice out of my head but it obviously wouldn't go down without a fight. The voice has been around for a while, since I was mute, so it knows how to push my buttons. But I also know how to fight back. I picked up a random book, practically forcing the words into my mind. The voice and the book fought for dominance, to be the loudest. One was trying to cause me pain, the other trying to soothe it.

Eventually I got so lost in the book that I hadn't realized hours had past and the store was about to close. I stood up stretching my sore legs hearing a satisfying pop emanate from them. I flipped the book over looking at the title. In my haste to drown my thoughts I hadn't even looked at the front.

_The Outsiders._

Well with a name like Ponyboy, you're obviously going to be a target.

_And with a name like Castiel. Can it._

I ambled over to where I last left Sam only to find him fast asleep, his head propped up by his hand. I gently shake him only to have a fist fly at my face narrowly missing me.

"Shoot Cas! I'm sorry!" Sam apologized "Usually I'm woken up by an alarm and it's not good news when it's a person…"

"Cas?" I answered dumbly.

"Is that not okay?"

"No, no! It's perfectly alright!" I assured "It's just.. nevermind. Let's go there about to close up shop."

Right on cue the blonde from earlier appears politely telling us it was time to go and that if we wanted to purchase she'd ring us up. I smiled slightly and thanked her for her kindness, but we'd be on our way. So there we were in town that neither of us had the slightest inkling about, on the hunt for food and a place to crash.

"Ooooh! How about Chinese! I could go for some lo mien!" Sam said excitedly. A small smile played at my lips at his childish enthusiasm about food. I nodded my consent and Sam made a sharp turn into the parking lot. We both tucked into our food, shoving it into ourselves, satisfying our grumbling stomachs.

We politely asked the manager where the nearest motel was and he directed us to one only five minutes down the road. Sam swung open the door to reveal our hiding place for the next few days. The peeling yellow wallpaper clung to the wall though it seems it had been glued back on. It probably had. Two queen sized beds laid next two each other only a small bedside table in between.

A small round table resided in the corner and a large dresser with an out dated television resting on top. Sam's bed let out a groan as he sat down on the grossly colored sheets. "Well this is interesting, I'm being nice." I say. I instantly regret it, hoping I hadn't offended him, but he just smiled.

"No, this is where bedbugs live, but what other choices do we have?" He reasoned. I hummed in agreement as I dived into my bed, the mattress giving a horrific squeak.

"Okay." I say, "But you can't make me sleep under the sheets."

"I won't." He laughs, "Good night Cas."

"Good night."

* * *

**Meh. Well I'm not really proud of this put I've decided to upload anyway. So I'm almost at the 500 view mark and that's weird. 500 people. Who wants to start a country? It'll be great! Everyone will have equality and there'll be no tuition for college and stuffs. Yep! We're you all from? Tell me what country or state you're from! Please? Anywho who wants to be a character? I need a name and a description cuz there's about to be A LOT more people and I don't have any names or descriptions soooooo.. YEAH! The title New Horizons is a song by Flyleaf and inspires the relationship between Cas and Mandy. I'm going to bed now. Ta ta!**


	8. A Thousand Deaths

***WAIT*STOP* So the last few chapters haven't received any reviews and I was wondering if anyone was actually reading this. So will you please review cuz to be honest I'll write this even if only one of you wants it. And in other news I screwed my neck up so I haven't been able to turn my neck to the right. Yeaaahh. Well letsa GOOOOOOO!**

Cas POV

* * *

I don't think I have slept that well in years. Sure I was in a musty motel with peeling wallpaper, and the bed covers were stale, but I slept well into the morning.

I don't know whether it was the soft light filtering in through the shutters, or the light humming of the water signifying that someone was in the shower, that woke me. I slowly sat up smoothing down my hair and rubbing the sleep out of my eyes.

My grumbling stomach made me force myself out of the bed, and stumble to the fridge, and pull out my leftovers. I popped the food into the microwave and pulled out a chair while I waited. Soon the strong scent of Chinese wafted through the room and I was once again reminded by my anger stomach to get some food in it.

Settling down to my late breakfast, I heard the shower squeak off and a clean, albeit wet, Sam appeared out of the bathroom.

He smiled at me like a brother would and said," Morning Sunshine! You slept late. Your hard to wake. Like tryin' to wake the dead." I scoffed slightly and apologized.

"Any way, I'm gonna go out and grab a few things, and once you wake up a bit, take a shower, we'll head over to the hospital." He stated as he bent over and snatched the keys off the desk and waved me goodbye.

I quickly finished my meal and flipped on the TV changing it to a music channel. I hated silence even the rushing of the water wouldn't be enough so that's why I turned on the television. I rummaged through the cupboards searching for the complimentary soap.

Jumping up in content after spotting my prize, I stripped down and stepped into the steaming shower. I stood there for an unusually long amount of time letting the water cascade down my body into every curve and crevice.

It was amazing.

I know, I know, I'm acting like I've never had a shower before, but to be honest, I haven't felt this exhausted in so long. It's still amazing.

Turning the knob to the shower I went slowly from burning hot to icy cold not yet ready to leave my watery safe haven. Ya know, I've always wanted to be a merman, swimming in the depths of the mysterious ocean, where no one can find me.

I snap out of my day dream as I hear the door open and close, letting me know that Sam's back. I dry off and dress back into my clothes from yesterday and walk out, the steam filtering behind me.

"You ready to go?" Sam inquires. I nod and scoop my shoes off the floor, quickly tying them on, and before I know it, Sam has ushered my out the door and into the car. The drive wasn't as slow and torturous as before, most-likely because I wasn't giving half-assed directions and taking back everything I said two seconds later.

A comfortable silence had descended upon us and my mind began to drift.

I dreamed of Mandy, and her soft peals of laughter when I would tickle her sides, or when her eyes would light up when I offered to take her out for ice cream. Her brown ringlets framing her face and her steady breathing whenever she slept with me because she had a nightmare.

She was so vivid I could almost touch her, smell her , that light toffee scent. Home.

_NO! Not now. Think of something else! Uh! The book I read yesterday? What was it? The Outsiders? Yes! Think about Ponyboy and the gang, how they saved those children and…_My thoughts came to a stop as a slightly worried Sam broke me out of my reverie," Hey, you alright?"

I nod shakily realizing I must have been hyperventilating. He smiles softly and puts his hand on my knee and I flinch a little at the sudden contact but he doesn't move his hand.

"Hey Castiel," he began, " I realize I don't know much about you."

He wants to learn more about me? _There's nothing good about you._ "Well, there's not a lot to tell, you aren't missing out on much."

"Aw that can't be true. Come on! We'll start small. For instance what's your favorite color?"

And so the rest of the ride was spent asking questions back and forth, I learned so much about Sam, more than I ever got to learn about anyone. It felt like I finally found a friend.

Sam POV

* * *

We sat in silence for a long time, it wasn't awkward or anything, it was actually quite comfortable really. I had thought about turning on some music but decided against it, afraid I would break the fragile space we had created.

I began to notice that Cas was breathing irregularly and hoped it was nothing. A few seconds later I glanced back at him to realize he hadn't stopped, it only worsened. I decided to step in before it got too bad. I did not want a repeat of last time.

"Hey you alright?" I asked. I only got a small nod in response which really didn't do much to convince me. So I came to the conclusion to distract him. I put my hand on his knee and I feel him tense but I don't remove it, sensing he needed me.

"Hey Castiel, I realize I don't know much about you." He smiles slightly and I do a small victory dance, but it quickly drops.

"Well, there isn't a lot to tell." He says. "You aren't missing out on much."

It breaks my heart how little he thinks of himself. "Aw that can't be true!" I chirp. "We'll start small. For instance what's your favorite color?"

From there on we spend the ride bouncing questions between us, not getting to personal but not too mundane. I just want him to feel comfortable around me. For him to trust me, to show him that not all people are bad.

We reach the hospital and I feel like I know Cas on a whole new level now. I step out of the car and take in the fresh air. It smells of freshly cut grass and that strange aroma that you can practically taste, that only appears right before it rains. It's honestly one of the most comforting things I've felt in a while.

It reminds me of Dean.

I glide towards the sliding door of the hospital, Castiel on my heels, and walk right up to the overly cheery receptionist from yesterday.

"Hello, I'm looking for Dr. Al. Do you happen to know where he is?" I request.

"Yes, I page him right away, but could you please sign in first and write who you're visiting right on that clipboard over there." She chirped.

We quickly signed in and took seats in the waiting room next to a young girl. We sat in silence for a bit until the girl broke the silence.

"Soooo, I don't mean to be rude but who're you visiting?"

"How did you know we were seeing someone?" Cas asked curious.

"Well, neither of you seemed to be ill or injured, so I assumed." The girl explained.

"Oh. Yeah I guess there's that." Cas said.

"We're visiting my brother. He was in a car accident."

"Oh. I'm sorry. I'm seeing someone who's been in an accident as well. His names Dean."

Both Cas and I freeze at the name, giving each other a knowing glance.

"Really." I say. "How long has Dean been here?" I ask.

"A few days. He was at a different hospital not too long ago. This one was just better suited for his condition." She said. "Might I ask what this Dean looks like?" I say.

"He's got short cropped hair, pretty tall. Might I ask why?" She says mocking my previous statement.

"Well, my brother's name is Dean." She looked just as shocked as we were at the strange situation.

"Oh."  
"Yeah.

"Well, what's your guys names?"

"I'm Sam. This is Castiel. What's yours."

"I'm Ellen! It's very nice to meet you, even under these strange yet serious circumstances." She smiled.

* * *

**Okay, so I know what you're thinking and no it's not the same Ellen. This is my friend erf10722 whose name just happens to be Ellen. So go check her out! Any who I still need descriptions so PLEASE! I wrote y'all four pages be grateful! Time for me to go to bed. Ta ta!**


	9. Light in Your Eyes

**Sorry for the interruption your regularly scheduled program will begin immediately after these short messages!**

***WARNING* Panic Attacks! And more panic attacks! SO if you're triggered, PLEASE PLEASE don't read! **

**That is all thank you for your patience!**

Sam POV

* * *

I stared bewildered at the cocoa eyed girl, her expression most likely mirroring mine. I shook my head slightly trying to bring myself forth from my haze.

"And how exactly do you know Dean?" I asked.

She stared at me for a few seconds seemingly in the same trance that had possessed me. "Oh, yeah! Of course…heh. Well I was the one who called nine-one-one. And they gave me the name once they, or you, identified him."

_Wait what? I thought Cas called the ambulance?_

"Oh really! I can't thank you enough for saving my brother! But uhh…if you don't mind I would like to talk to Castiel for a minute. We'll be right back." I said before grabbing his arm and guiding him to a quiet corner.

I could feel him trembling as I sat him down and faced him.

"Cas did you really call the ambulance?" I asked.

He looked torn, his eyes watering. "I..I tried to! I really did! But I just couldn't s-stop! It h-h-hurt-t. I don't think I could ever look at another dead body! I-I'm.."

I watched him break down, his chest heaving up and down, tears gushing down his pale face. He kept mumbling nonsense that I couldn't for the life of me understand.

I caught half formed words like 'blub-' and 'righ- righ-' until his eyes hardened over and he stopped moving completely.

His lips shook as he formed the words over and over again until he said in a whisper, without any stuttering and complete confidence in his voice.

"_Worthless."_

Cas POV

* * *

_Oh God Cas you're such a failure! Can't even get through one whole sentence without blubbering like an idiot!_

The voice in my head spoke to me, telling me awful, awful things. To get up and leave because Sam didn't deserve all the trouble that was me. I knew it was right but it only made me sob harder.

_Worthless!_

Chokes kept me from speaking, the weight and the reality of the voices words pressed into my lungs making it impossible to breathe.

_It's right! It's right! For once it's right! I should just go! _

_Of course I'm right! Everything I say is true!_

Despite this I couldn't move a muscle. I finally had a friend and I screwed that up! I looked to my left for Sam only to find that he'd left. H-he left me?!

_Of course he did! He saw what a mess you are and knew you weren't worth it! You're too much of a screw up for someone as good as Sam to stick around!_

I knew he was gone for good, but something in me screamed for me to find him. To beg for his forgiveness, and friendship once again.

And as soon as the attack came it was gone. The tears left my eyes, the voice quieted down from a roar to a lulling murmur, and my breathing had evened out, albeit, it was still a struggle to get enough oxygen.

I let my eyes flutter close, and I worked on just breathing in and out. In and out. In and out.

I sat for what felt like an eternity, when I felt a strong hand place itself on my shoulder. I shot forward and took hold of the auburn hair and glimmering orbs of Ellen.

"Sorry, did I startle you? Sam's just gone to go look for some tissues and asked if I could come sit with you. You looked like you'd passed out so I was just trying to see if you had." Ellen rushed out.

"It's alright." I managed to stammer.

She took a seat to the right of me and an awkward silence descended upon us.

"Soo.." She trailed off. I looked at her apprehensively, to see she had a strand of hair and was twirling it between her fingers.

I opened and closed my mouth like a fish scouring my mind for the right words. Two large feet pounded themselves against the tile floor and we both looked up to see Sam jogging towards us a Kleenex box in hand.

"You guys will never guess what happened!" He began, speaking so quickly to where all the words practically blurred together. "I ran into the doc and he says there's a chance Dean could wake up sometime soon! They said he's showing signs of a great recovery!"

He did a little dance, going into a complete frenzy hurrying all the details.

"That's great! I am _so_ happy for you both!" Ellen said putting extra emphasis on the 'so'.

"Yeah it is pretty amazing! And Cas?" Sam put his arms around me crushing my torso into a hug and whispered into my ear. "I'm not angry, okay. And you are the farthest thing from worthless, you understand me."

I nodded, felling tears form in my eyes once again.

_No! Now is not the time Castiel!_

I composed myself, before I started full on sobbing again.

"Thank you, Sam. Now when are we allowed to see Dean?" I asked.

"Any minute now! The doc should be….and there he is! Speak of the devil!" He exclaimed.

For some reason his choice of words sent shiver down my spine, like he really was the devil. He sure did look like it.

Our trio stood up and walked towards Dr. Al. He gave us all a friendly smile and gestured for us to follow. Sam took the initiative and went first before Ellen spoke up.

"Hey, Sam actually if you don't mind, I'd like to talk to Castiel for a minute."

He hesitated for a second before nodding and saying, "All right. I guess I'll meet you in his room in a few minutes."

Sam chased after the doctor, looking back a few times obviously a little suspicious. I watched him until his brown mop of hair was out of my sight

I felt a tap on my shoulder and Ellen say, "We need to talk."

* * *

**Ohhhh! What's gonna happen? A not really cliff-hanger right? Hey guess who's a terrible person for not updating? Is it me?**

**Yes.**

**I am so so so so sorry! I've been really busy with Christmas presents, cuz I've had to draw most of them! And I'm also writing another fanfic for Phan! And it's on Wattpad! It's called Only the One Can Save!(shameless self promoting!)**

**Yeah I hate the title too. But it's for a friend and that's the title she wanted… I'm thinking of posting it on here too. Anyway can I please please get just one review?! I'm thinking of stopping of no one reviews this chapter. So if you want me to continue, please review! This chapters title is also b Flyleaf! Shocker I know. Weeeelll..BYE!**

**Ta ta!**


	10. The Messenger

***Warning!* Suicidal thoughts! Sorta. Ish. And mentions of awful writing and laziness when it comes to responsibility! **

**Continue at your own risk. The dog bites!**

Cas POV

* * *

My breath hitched as I learned the news of Mandy.

A week after I left there was a break in, nothing was damaged or stolen, well except Mandy of course. At first they thought she had just run away, but they had found a smear of blood on the wall leading to the window.

They followed the path and found the grass made an imprint of a body as if it had been dragged. Other than that there was no trace.

The police checked everywhere, the neighbors were interrogated, and the surveillance cameras where watched until there were stars in their eyes.

Nothing.

I thought I would feel something, boiling anger, pure loathing for her captors, or even a twinge of sadness. But no, I was left with this awful void, that made me feel like I was floating and any physical harm that could come to me would not be able to overcome the hollowness in my bones.

It has deadened me and I am petrified.

Ellen explains to me that she works for the FBI and that they were doing all they could to find her. She went on telling me about all the specifics before patting my shoulder and handing me a business card.

I said nothing throughout the whole interaction, and I guess she's used to a one sided conversation.

How sad.

"Call this number if you have anything that could help, or if you just need to talk." She gave me a small sad smile, and presumably made her way to Dean's room.

I didn't move, couldn't move. I had no control over my limbs anymore. So I just sat around like a vegetable, letting my mind rot with all the terrible thoughts.

I really had nothing now.

What is the point of getting up when your only reason was quite literally ripped from you?

_Well that's exactly it little Cassy! There is no reason anymore!_

My mind raced through all the people who I knew.

Grandma. Dead.

Mom. Left when I was three.

Dad. Drunk bastard who I only saw on weekends, when his dead end job left him needing a punching bag.

Aunt Renee. If she loved me as much as she said then why didn't she save me from my father as soon as she noticed the bottles?

Mandy. Kidnapped and announced dead.

All the people in my life either left me, or didn't give a shit about me.

So what was really stopping me from leaving and joining Mandy? Was there anything I'm missing?

_No Cas, there isn't a single thing._

_Cas? Cas. Where have I heard that?_

Dean.

Sam.

That's what's keeping me. I need to help Sam and Dean. I have to help a family, and keep them from having to understand this emptiness.

That's my purpose now isn't it. Not exactly the purpose I wanted. Not exactly the purpose anyone wants.

Can I do it?

Sam POV

* * *

I was hesitant to leave Castiel behind with Ellen. I've only known her for what? Twenty minutes? Not even that long.

I kept lingering behind, looking back at him before Dr. Al gave out a dissatisfied grunt and I sped up. We've been walking for an estimated ten minutes and I still haven't recognized a single thing.

That's to say if there was a lot to distinguish between the seemingly endless sterile white walls. We passed door after door and still he hasn't shown a sign of stopping.

Damn, this place is bigger than it looks!

There seemed to be no real order of the rooms as we just passed room 193 and 429. Great.

Now if I get lost there will be no getting found. No wonder Cas got all turned around.

Finally, finally, we reached his door, room 3751.

The doctor pulls open the door and I turn my head to see my brothers' pale and gaunt face. I walk over to his bedside and pull a chair up.

"Now about your brothers' recovery I didn't tell you everything you needed to know." Dr. Al informed me.

"What do mean?"

"I mean you're gonna have to make a deal with me." He said his eyes glazing over, turning a sickening yellow, and his voice now had a malicious edge to it.

Startled, I yelped and knocked over the plastic chair.

"Oh Sammy! Don't act so surprised!" He sneered. "You knew there was no way he would wake up! That would take a miracle!"

"Wha- what are you?"

"Why I'm a demon, silly boy!" He barked out a laugh, then his eyes went cold again. "And you can call me Azazel."

The name for some strange reason, sent shivers down my spine, as if I'd heard it before. There's no way I could have.

"What makes you think I'd make a deal with a demon?"

"To save your precious Dean of course! You'd do anything for him wouldn't you?" He leaned in close, eyes narrowing. "Even something like selling your soul?"

I gulped and he laughed. It was awful, like nails on chalk board, with no humor in laced in what-so-ever.

"How about this. I'll tell you the technicalities and you can sleep on it, yeah?" He proposed. Before I could even nod he started up again.

"I'll patch you brother up, he won't have a problem. Walking fine, no amnesia, the whole nine yards!" He spread out his arms and continued. "And you'll get one whole happy year with your brother, before you have to hold up your end of the bargain."

"I'll leave you to talk it out with brother dearest. Until then!" He sighed, closing the door with a harsh bang.

I put my attention on Dean once again. _Would this be for the better? Could I really save Dean?_

I thought that yes, this was the best and only option.

* * *

**Dundunduuuuun! **

**He's evil! And Mandy's dead! Waaah?! What's really going on here? This chapter's title song is by Linkin Park! Yeah! I don't think I'll get another chapter up by Christmas or New Year so I shall say it in advanced!**

**MERRY CHRISTMAS AND A HAPPY NEW YEAR!**

**I'll see you in 2015(Holy shit!)**

**Ta ta!**


	11. I'm sorry guys!

**Hey guys!**

**So I know this isn't what you wanted, but I just wanted to say I might not be updating for a while. I know it's been almost two whole months! I'm terrible! It pains me to do this, but February is a pretty difficult time for me.**

**I mean who knows, I could update tomorrow or not at all this month. I just want you guys to know they're most likely going to be inconsistent.**

**I'm just very sad right now, and I just have nowhere to turn. So I've reached the point where all the things I used to enjoy makes me feel drained.**

**I'm unhappy and I just feel like a bother, I'm so so so sorry for this inconvenience, and I'll see you later.**

**Ta ta! **


	12. Devour

**Cas POV**

**Xxx**

* * *

I sat in the stiff plastic chair for far longer than need be. My legs ached, and my head was numb. I had made my decision long ago, yet my heart refused to believe it. Dead was just not an option.

I don't when or how I made it past the winding labyrinth that was this hospital, but I seemingly evaporated to Deans' room. Stranger things have happened.

The door glided open and I slipped in.

Sam's head was bent over the railing, bowed.

_Beep, beep, beep. _

"I think he just might make it." Sam whispered.

We were out of that hospital at the speed of lightening. Roads blur by and the air is thick. Sam is confused, debating, uncertain. Something has happened, something big.

"What did, what did , Ellen talk to you about if you don't mind me asking." Sam said.

"She's a social worker. Mandy has been kidnapped presumed dead." I stated bluntly. If we had been on the highway, or anywhere other than at a stoplight, we would have surely crashed.

"Wh-what?" He stammered.

"I don't know! I left because I thought that was best for her, but if I had been there then maybe, maybe she'd still be here, but no! I was selfish Sam, selfish!" I screamed, and I let the tears and frustration flow.

He sat there shocked into silence, mouth agape.

Many tense moments passed, my breathing grew heavy, and it became harder and harder to stay awake. I saw Sam's arm move and acted on instinct, and ducked.

A strong hand clutched a fistful of my shirt and dragged me to it, engulfing me in the biggest bear hug. And you thought I was crying before, well I now was full on sobbing, snot dripping out of my nose and everything.

Cars honked and I felt Sam move. Reluctantly I began to pull away, but his other arm pulled me closer, not letting me go just yet.

We drove like that all the way back to the motel and I was now lying on my side facing his bed. He was leafing through a magazine not really reading what was on the pages.

I don't know if it was the ticking of the clock, or the constant swish of the pages that finally lulled me to sleep, but soon the cloud that was hanging over my head bared down on my and forced me into a fitful sleep.

Dreams of dark shadows crawling through vents, beasts lurking outside, and something was there with me, somewhere but I can't see it, I think it'll make itself known when it wants too.

It has plans.

I bolt upright. The birds are tweeting, sun bursting in and most of all no Sam. Scrambling out of the sheets I grope around for my clothes, unable to see without my glasses.

I pull my shirt on and I'm ninety percent sure it's on backwards, and fling the door open. The car isn't here either.

* * *

**XXX**

**HEYHA! It has literally been seven months you have permission to kill me. I am so freaking sorry. I just lost interest and passion for this story. **

**I promise I'm trying to pick it up again! This chapter's title is by Shinedown.**

**Well I would love feedback and I'll see you losers later!**

**Ta ta!**


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